The day before my 3rd last day of work

So I just found Philip Phillips. And he's overrated man. I mean I've heard 'gone gone gone' its good you got it. 'home' is good too. Really catchy. But he's still overrated, because there's many many many out there thats like him or even better so why is he so big deal. Eg. The tallest man on earth? Ben Kweller? Pete Yorn?? Just as good. But yeah shit i like ggg and home its nice sighs.

Anw went to the hosp in the morn hahah was soooo late for physio shit but it was fine and then headed to the clinic it was fine too but so exp sighs anw then headed to ikea to buy my scented candles and they smell so little sighs. disappointed. :( then headed to town to meeet Aud. quite a nice catch-up session. but what she said is right: I am having an existential crisis.

Questioning my existence essentially. I know what's my destiny already. but wha tbaout the road there? that's difficult. sighs. and idk. i guess i got to stop lying. i want to get some scholarships, but if i have absolutely no interest, then i should just drop it. dont lie for money. sighs.

It's hard.

I don't usually like to admit it, but I do feel like I'm going through a very trying period right now. There just seems to be so much.
With uni applications, and scholarships, and studying for MAT, and idk. working as well to make it in Dec. It's difficult and really idk, sort of depressing?
I'd say so because everything around me just seems to be going against what I want. Odds are against me, in so many ways, but I just can't give up and just let what I aim for go. That'd be weak. And it's like I never tried. But it's soooo hard when there are so many things going against my flow.
I thank God so much that I know Him.
Because without Him, I'd have given up or just give in to all of this stress and pressure.
He is my Hope, my Light in this grey right now.
I can't do this, but God can.
And even in the end, when I'm not where I want to be, I will be where God wants me to be.
And He will be there with me, every step of the way.

7th last day at work

Counting down!!! haahha can't wait man.
Anw.
Work was quite alright, I'd actually go so far as to say it can be considered fun hahaha.
Quite slack today. Then there were lots of pranks hahaha maybe it's unofficial pranks day. So anw.
First one was like the House Lounge Intro, where the cast got to run in to introduce themselves, and Baba (1st AD) got Stevie to dress up as spider to run in hahaah to joke Jono (Director).
Then, apparently Jono prank back hahaha for the next House Lounge Intro, they got the control room ppl to run in as the cast it was hilarious. And then they did another take for one of Stevie's segment, where Ainsley in a box would pass out a bandage, but he passed out a roll of toilet paper hahahahah generally just had lots of laughs today hahahaha it was fun then after work grab 2 and a half beers with the ppl, and ended up playing truth or dare with baba tarzan neal terisa ruth anni weenee it's extreme man like quite uncomfortable, but it's like the enjoy and just don't care kind? Lots of r-rated questions were asked, idk just kind of uncomfortable.. And like... really second hand smoke too much. idk i always just sit around them and too lazy to move. Sigh. It's bad. Really got to stop. like just, I felt like smelling the smell?!?!?!??!??!?!?!??! I'm dead. and no more beers too. i mean, it's fun, but it just doesn't feel right. like things must go kind of wrong.

Sundays are always/meant to be lovely.

So I woke up around 1230 today, after 11.5 hours of sleep which was great. Headed to Coro to meet Daniel for some PS again. Wore my sleeping clothes out which were so comfortable and coz I really couldn't care less. I am going to work anw so what's the point of wearing so nice. Weather was good, not too hot.
Sat at the window table, and basically worked on my PS for sooo long. I was rather drained like around my 3rd/4th paragraph. hahaha. So we took a break and researched on colleges instead. Oh speaking of which, I got to apply for MAT like now. Anw. Yeah, and then Daniel left. I got a doughnut from bux and decided to watch Mulan instead. hahahaha I really love Mulan It's my favourite show hahahah I love that song "Let's get down to business" hahahah and it was just lovely. I laughed at the hilarious parts not caring about what anybody thought. It was a lovely day outside, I was eating something sweet. It was just great. Comfortable. hahhaha It was just me having my personal time, which I hadn't had it a while. I wish all Sundays were like that. I totally put everything aside and just enjoyed Mulan.

Security Questions

The thing about them is when setting them up, I always try to think what is the most likely and correct and rational answer that I will give, totally not taking into consideration how unpredictable I am even to myself.
And so they end up shit when I forget the answers.

Personal Statement.

I'm tired of it!!!!!!! Yeah I know it's supposed to take quite awhile, but hey can't I get tired of it? I'm tired or rereading what I wrote. I'm tired of racking my brains to force things in. And so I don't. I just write whatever comes in, probably why I take so long. Hmm.

Read about some stuff e.g. Fermat and Ramanujan and idk I'm not a genius I'm thinking how might I actually get in Oxford I'm kind of afraid but gotta shove those thoughts aside because they are obstacles.

I also thought if I didn't get in, would my personal statement still hold true?
Thought rather hard. And the thing is. I WANT it to be true, but idk if circumstances and situations would allow it. Singapore is rather small, and with a pure Mathematics degree there are hardly places I could go and enjoy. I just want to be a Mathematician I guess but in Singapore it's probably kind of hard. I think I'd be forced to go into teaching/banking. Money is an issue. So, yeah, I'd want it all to hold true. I really do hope that I'd be able to go overseas.