On feeling young

OH i was thinking what i wanted to blog about, i had it in my head this aftn but i forgot. now i remember but it doesn't feel as relevant hmm.

yes, it is on feeling young. but rn, after some coding, essay-writing, email-drafting, and being in bed rn typing this at 2.18am, i don't feel so young anymore **LOL**. but ok , i'll try.

These few days, I've been struck by that feeling, the feeling of being young. I guess, it's a weird mixture of not having too-serious cares in the world,

ok no i can't do this. i'm not feeling young, so i can't even describe it. let me try again some other time.

but anyway.

some other thoughts:

i think i am not so nice *LOL* i think aud knows this. but really for me, its the little details that matters. i still remember little details of past romantic interests. and it is these details that capture my attention and interests. however, when i do get down to details of new people, i get .... turned off pretty fast. and i feel bad, but.... idk its just these details are not interesting to me????

Thoughts & Response

ok so thoughts. 

currently writing a personal statement, and it really kills, because it always makes me question myself, and I always have to give a justified, valid reason. I can't just say i like math.. because. that ain't valid. but why not? could it be that its beauty and rigour is something so deep within my soul, that words can hardly encompass what i feel when i do math? it brings me joy, as in I FEEL JOY, when i'm doing math, but is that not enough? also, of course i do not write stuff that i don't believe in my personal statements, thats terrible because its like lying, but if i write too fluffy/beautifully, is that not lying as well....?! hmm. also, i guess writing ps really made me question very hard why i like math, and i still can't offer a good enough reason. because simple things like what i feel, is not enough. it also makes me question what type of person i am, and if i am "this particular type", but if "this particular type" is not good enough, is not what you are looking for, then.... HOW. but definitely one thing i realised, i am a lazy thinker. or rather, i am a think-already-and-keep-in-cupboard type of thinker. sometimes i also do not think, because after doing so, i will keep-in-cupboard. so, i just save brain cells, and skip the thinking process. hmmmmmmmmm. i guess thinking is useful for vomit-ing on my blog. *lol*. what is the point of it, besides fun? idk. i think, so i may have thoughtful conversations with people, gaining new thoughts and insights, so i may have more thoughtful conversations with people. so the whole point, really, is about interaction with people! ah-ha! eureka. i'm gonna incorporate that into my ps. (correct me if i'm flawed here. i mean, u don't think just so you can talk to yourself right. any other output, e.g. books/blogs are also part of interactions with others, as in you telling other people. further actions taken resulting from thought, would definitely fall under interactions with others as well.)

ok that was somewhat fruitful.

now here's my response to a Facebook post (no i do not have Facebook. friend screenshot and sent to me, for reasons undisclosed here. I'm also not gonna briefly sum the Facebook post, so its probably gonna be gibberish)

i think that, it was definitely uncalled for to label others' actions (in this case, "display of affections") as "disgusting". that is harsh, and it just seems like general sweep for all "display of affections". in that particular form of public make-out and cuddling, by that label of "disgusting", it seems to undermine their "love" (which may or may not be true, love), and... well you don't have to right to do that. (this is a loophole, which can be corrected as such: "it is disgusting TO ME".) a more elaborate argument could be formed by looking at the cause of "display of affections", and that label would address that, but i am not so interested in forming that argument. moving on. "running out of patience" with society and its workings is.... somewhat shallow in my opinion. society does not revolve around you. you are a tiny p in society (yes i typed p because i couldn't decide point, person, droP, dot (no p here)). i do not understand this, how can you "run out of patience" with society? is it supposed to offer you something? is it supposed to change itself to suit your liking? equivalently, you are probably saying something like "i'm fed-up with society", but i do not entirely understand that as well. are we all not part of society? i think that there are much deeper nuances to "society", that if we dug deeper in attempts to understand, shallow yells like "running out of patience" would unlikely be uttered. such "displays" (in my opinion), were you to trace the root, can likely be found in sin and the Devil, so......... next. I do, however, agree with single-hood, and advantages listed. in an honest soul-baring session (right nowlol) : i find myself, very slightly concerned with (prospects of) companionship, and really i should not be, because God's got it. it is natural and human (not trying to make an excuse) to dwell on it, as we were created in His image. This explains a lot. In His image, yet, there is an undeniable desire for companionship, so, this implies He has such a desire too. and His desire is for US. that's right, God longs for us. not us as in a whole, but us as in you and me, individuals. He longs for you. He longs for me. and I should not be so blind to overlook it. So, really, i should not be concerned with companionship, for He is with me. in His perfect time. 

i guess that seemed like a diss post, but.... we all need an avenue for thoughts, don't we.

tom delonge was so damn adorable <333333333333 LOLOLOL

SERIOUSLY
i wish i could talk to someone who can even remotely relate/understand why i love blink and relient k so much. i love their nonsense *LOL* i just watched 'all the small things' vid and i forgot how much i loved it. its so funny and those guys are just amazing. i love how blinks' videos are just rubbish and how they love to mess it up and relient k has the bestest lyrics and songs some of which makes little sense to no sense and I LOVE IT hahahahah

if u up for some of the best punk rock:
blink-182 "all the small things" (must watch the video i love it one of the best videos)
relient k "gibberish"

p.s these are not my fav songs by them HAHA i'm not introducing the fav songs because.... well they're my fav HAHAH

E.M. Forster, The Machine Stops

i just finished E.M. Forster, The Machine Stops. thanks lb for many books i love
very short read, but very interesting. very ironic, satirical.  go read. i lazy to write book review. but the second short story reminds me a little of totoro with their cat buses and all. a little bit.

/edited
okok i think i should offer more thoughts on this book. because it's been lying on my table, as i wait to offer my thoughts. once i'm done, i can keep it in the cupboard. ok so here goes
i like it because it painted a good picture of how humanity would be like, should technology get too advance. really extreme, but the ppl in the book lived in their own pods, where there are buttons for everything, so they never ever have to leave their pods. also, they recoil at human touch, a fact that caught my eye in the book, as currently touch is so ........ natural. in the book, the other didn't even wanted to touch her own son?! but anyway the son is rebellious, questioning the 'machine' which is like some technology god the people created. yet, they gave it such importance that they began to worship the machine, which (as a christian) seems to reflect a lot of our own desires right now.
i fear this passage makes entirely no sense.

i haven't blogged in awhile...
i rly wanted to blog about an explanation of quotient map coz i was fascinated by it HAHAH but i'm too busy to go write it up. have been coding and STILL left with one mission omg?! i hate u cs u asshole. anw. nothing else is up around here.


other things possibly worth mentioning:
-not very into cute guys right now, they are very boring **lol**.
-more into guys with... no ego *LOL* that came out totally wrong haha
-hopeful bout some other applications stuff very blessed though!!!!!!!!!
-bought many new shoes *lol*
-went to swim
-found cool new place in school
-i'm done with all my midterms! but there's this major shit aka finals
-i can't think of much else interesting stuff hmm
-oh i think guys should wear gold chain necklace. not too thick! thin one. then like ahbeng damn swag got feels *LOL* whats wrong with me why i degen till like that :O

wth this pic is real?! tom welling + jared + jensen + chadmichael murray?????????

finally a lazy sabbatical Saturday.
comforting alone time: reading in bed + good tunes (Keaton Henson - Strawbear)

studying at bux with twoon and yq
omg haven't seen yq in years hahahah miss her?!

and...
starbux has great wifi nowadays
and there are two dudes beside me talking bout oxbridge admissions
reminds me of LB omg hahahahah but they talk about boring stuff as usual like LB........
too-knowledgeable-to-be-interesting-type of ppl LOL